5 Stücke für Orchester. Op. 10. Partitur, etc by Anton von Webern

By Anton von Webern

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There’s a much better chance that your reputation won’t have preceded you at an event you weren’t invited to. Find where the big investment firms are throwing their parties, or hunt down where the accountants will be ringing in the New Year. Or just hang around the nicer hotels and restaurants. Wait long enough and they will come to you. All the couples will have the disadvantage of having to go home early because they’re sensible adults and they need to go gift shopping for future in-laws in the morning.

Medieval armor, Pompeii, and the Egyptian wing attract the men. If you find yourself in a museum without the equivalent of these, do what you can with actual paintings. Stick to modern art—anything past the Impressionists and you’re fine (though they do like van Gogh). Abstract Expressionism always delights, as does Pop Art. Dada is right up their alley, not surprisingly. Surrealism? They’ll go for seconds. And anything postmodern and vulgar will always attract our gentlemen friends. The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living?

Pros: You’ll get as many guys as the league can lob at you. Cons: You’re a grown woman playing a game meant for children on elementary school playgrounds. 9 Join a Mega Church! Behind Jim there was Tammy Faye, Joel has Victoria, and Rick Warren has, um, Mrs. Warren. Three power couples associated with mega churches: big, nondenominational Christian stadiums devoted to loving Jesus and finding happiness in this world. There’s at least one in your area; put on something nice, make your hair bigger, and go find it.

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